And that wraps another eventful weekend folks.

So much can happen in such a short time.
So many feelings and emotions can be experienced in what seems to be the single beat of a heart.
Yes, I have been reading young adult fantasy books. 
I'm reading the Fallen series by Lauren Kate. I really really like them.

I had a body shut down today, which was poo but not unexpected given that I've been pushing pretty hard without a break, and minimal support. Certainly not additional support from those who should be feeling obligated but let's not even go there!

My father in law is doing well. A pacemaker is only 1 night in hospital these days. Wow.

I'm so annoyed with myself and my silly willful mind of it's own body. I'm in two really big showcases in the next week or so, but do I have any items ready? Um, that would be a big fat NO! And the ones I did have, just aren't doing it for me so I don't want to submit them. So tomorrow, somehow, I have to miraculously make it happen.... yeah, right. 

My epic fail. The theme is RAINBOW. This is not rainbow.
 

The fabric I used looks like this, but it seems that I picked the dark bits. Don't get me wrong, the fabric is gorgeous. See the darker bits, that's what I got, even though I'm sure I picked more rainbow bits! I guess they're covered under the stupid yellow I added :(

Did you know that the phrase yeah, right is the only phrase in the English language where 2 positives creative a negative? Love it.

I really need my items to be A+++ in these showcases so that I can keep coming back. I need to start using my fabric and bringing in some cash. If you have spare spoons (i'm a spoonie) and extra sewjo, just, you know, telepathically download it into my brain anytime now!

Since I spent most of today in bed, after I did the washing, hung some cabinet doors, cleaned and cooked I really have nothing else to show except my epic fail owl bunny. Meh, that's life. I'm actually going to put that on a t-shirt when I get around to it.

Good news, well sort of good news, I haven't gained any weight (despite doing very little this week) but I didn't lose any weight (I don't understand why not, I only drank about 2 litres of cokes and ate half a tub of butter and 2/3 block of chocolate!). Just so unfair! It's not like I can go for a run, I'd end up in bed for a week! Kinda doesn't work when you have the cutest 3 year old in town who hates to sleep and sucks the life force from me! Good thing she's cute!

I think I'm just going to call it a night, settle in with my book and hope that I wake up tomorrow to find that today was just a dream and I have all the time in the world to get things done! (insert maniacal laugh!)

xox luv y'all and i'm hugging you from here!

Friday Night Again.

Just more of the same.
Another week of nothing different. Or rather, another week of nothing. 
Although I think I've probably achieved a few things I feel rather like I've gone backwards.
I even started writing again today. 
I'm hesitant to put it on here. That's how awful I think it is and just how low my self esteem must be.

How did I get to this place? I bend over backwards to help anyone and everyone, but yet I can't help myself. I don't do it for praise, reward or recognition, I do it because it's what should be done. No one should be alone. Or feel helpless or desperate or trapped or like they can't call on someone, even if it's just to bring them milk when their kids are sick or loop them in on a group message that they missed part of. 
People I haven't even met in real life, I offer support and love when I can. I like to smile to randoms on the street and chat with the seniors in the coffee shop, because they feel better too. I give hugs to randoms and people i've only just met, because people might be good at looking happy but inside they're crying out for a little bit of 'I just need to feel a bit special, i'm stuck in a rut'. I hugged a lady the other night (who I'd only met once before) and she nearly cried because she couldn't remember the last time some one had just given her a heartfelt hug. I'm sorry but it was that long ago that she was really hugged that she couldn't remember it?!? 

My little internal radar does tend to be amped up a bit, and I can spot a mask on most people from a long way away. But when did people become so good at being lonely, and accepting of it? Why did society let this happen? When did WE let this happen?

So next time if you think someone is a little off, ask them if you can give them a hug. The worst they can do is say no. And the best they can do is say YES! And even though it is better to give than to receive, it takes 2 to hug so you get the best of both worlds. Start small. Watch the ripples. Live in peace and love freely. xoxo and you never know, it might be me that you save with that random smile or hug :)

I wish I didn't feel this way
I mean I just don't understand
I tried to do all the right things, didn't I
Yet somehow it all got out of hand
I thought I had it all figured out
I thought that you could see
That I gave you every little bit
That made up all of me
Now I'm not so sure anymore
I guess that's plain to see
I'm torn in two directions
Each way is not an exit, just a different kind of cage
I guess I should feel lucky
I should let go of all that rage
But everything I worked towards
Seems to have brought me nothing but self hate and pain
I can no longer tell you
And you can no longer hear
So many fragments of myself
Not a single piece is clear
Shattered and worn down and out
The tank is running low
I cannot see a way out anymore
I guess I have to let you go


And this embarrassing composition is why I tend not to write these days :P

Is it as simple as a new coat of paint???

To make my kitchen look nice - quite probably
To make me feel better when my house looks finished - more than likely
To fix my relationship with my man child cricket obsessed husband - i don't know. I guess I could try gassing him with the paint fumes?

What I don't understand is, he is nearing 40, works for himself (the sole 'bread winner' as it were) yet he takes the day off work because his team won their grand final and they had to keep on celebrating. Um, it's not like you just won the ashes hun, and I'm pretty sure that the aussie cricket team isn't allowed to celebrate, and if they do, they at least are getting paid for it.

I must come across as a money hungry bitch, and I say this to my friends. The flip side is I would also give away my last 5 bucks without a second thought. I just want to be able to pay my bills and but all the fabric I need. Did you notice how I said NEED, not WANT? I NEED it. It makes me happy. And one day, when I'm not quite so stressed and unwell I will actually get to create amazing things with my fabric. It is my promise to myself that I will eventually win.

I am also furiously frustrated that I can't work. Hell, some days I can barely remember how to breathe (and that's meant to be one of those autonomic functions - guess when your autonomic system tanks on you those essentials to life occasionally falter) let alone crunch number & manage accounts. Yet that is exactly what I do for my husband, regardless of the personal cost to myself, and then he still gets to go and play stupid cricket (not for Australia).

And could someone please explain to me how if the grand final has been played, cricket season is still not over? What the? That's like having a pack of never ending tim tams, and we all know that ain't the case!

So a coat of paint - I started painting the kitchen today. I packed up more minky and added to the great tub wall of fabric in my craft room. I think I need to put up a hazard sign - beware of falling felt or something like that. And whilst cricket season is over, but it's not over, may offer a reprieve from his love affair with his club I can't help but wonder what will happen in 6 months time when the painting still isn't finished and he starts putting on those whites again. Do I keep painting, or deprive bunnings of my sparse financial contribution and realise that you whilst you can't polish a turd, you can roll it in glitter, which eventually fades and falls off?

If this stuff didn't cost a fortune you can bet my house would be COVERED inside and out, but I'm going for a more grown up shabby chic with a slight touch of french provincial thrown in for fun.

And to keep me motivated, here's one of my favourite songs.....Yes we can!

The wee hours of Monday morning.

I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am that my husband won his cricket grand final today.
I also cannot contain my joy knowing that once again he isn't working tomorrow. It's worked out so well, now he can stay out getting trashed until sometime much later today and upon his return home he can work on his couch slug impersonation. 

Don't you just love it when it all comes together so nicely? I know I sure do.
Any who, I'm going to be woken up in 6 hours time (if I'm lucky) so best rest whilst I can. 

It's not like single parenting is totally new to me but doing so whilst being horribly ill has been such a fun and unpredictable time of excitement I just don't know if I can wait until next cricket season. (Drowning in a pool of my own sarcasm). Maybe I should encourage hubby to play footy again.
Peace out bitches xox

Friday - Well, technically now Saturday, but that's just semantics.

What an absolute tropical cyclone kind of a day. Hot, then cold, wet, then windy then the sun comes out and the sky turns black again, emotionally speaking of course. Actually, if I think about, that actually describes Melbourne's weather today too!

So, after my over extension of physical and mental capacity yesterday I was a car wreck today. Hubby had the day off, not for like a nice RDO or let's have some time together as a couple, but a 'i don't have any work today' day off. Friday is MY day. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE! I love to be around people, but sometimes I need to have my space to just switch down. (Switch down, what the?) I can't switch off, or deep down don't want to switch off due to my hidden control freak nature but I can dial it down on a Friday. Just ask any person that has a scheduled 'washing day' or 'shopping day', if that gets messed up, everything else is out the window. For atleast the next week or 3! It's seriously damaging to the running of my life! (LOL @ me running & having a life!!!!)

He did the dad thing and took her to kinder as I was knackered. If he hadn't been home I would have gotten up as usual and done it myself but when in Rome.....

Knowing that there were going to be storms, and my gutters (my relatively new gutters that cost me money I don't have) have been overflowing again, I asked him to clean them before the storm hit. Pretty easy, our house is a postage stamp and you just walk around with a leaf blower. Then he comes inside and flops on the bed next to me as i'm having the disability insurance interview from hell (an hour! a whole freaking hour!) and says he needs a sleep because 1) his back hurts & 2) he had to get up to the worm this morning. Seriously? His back hurts? Maybe it's time to give up cricket hey senior? Oh no, that's right, he hurt his back lifting Chlo. Um, if you see me, I practically have a worm velcro-ed (how the hell do you spell velcro-ed?) to me all the time. And i'm not as strong as him and I have some serious health issues. Did I mention that I have health issues, hence the hour long interview that normally takes 10mins so carrying the worm all day is rather PAINFUL for me? No, I didn't mention that.....? 

Anyway, I had to go and run a heap of errands, and I was expecting that when I got home he would have done something, anything, to make the house a little bit more organised so that there would be less for me to do because let's face it, I am a car wreck today no matter how much make up I put on! Alas, he was still in bed where I left him over 3 hours ago. So instead of me being able to take a nap before picking up the worm, I had a shit load of house work to do instead, and I was already running on negative. (I do realise that I am switching tenses here there and everywhere, leave me alone, i'm disabled!) So I had a spaz. A nice big one. A tropical cyclone kind of spaz. Tropical cyclone Andy strikes again.

Then the courier that i'd been waiting all day for arrived with the most generous, massive gift of fluffy goodness that I could ever imagine. I was worried that she'd packed one of her kids in there for me it's so big. When I get to open it tomorrow you better believe there will be happy snaps all over the place! To my R in WA xoxoxoxoxoxox you precious gorgeous big hearted angel. 

Then another beautiful friend dropped in with dinner for me for tomorrow night knowing that hubby will be tied up with his cricket grand final. Awwww. And then her hubby text her and invited us over for dinner. BONUS. She gets me and I'd like to think that I get her. Anyway, hub & chlo went for dinner, and I went to bed with Valium. 6 hours later I felt more like a category 1 storm than a killer cyclone! Thank you xo 
(Funny thing to note, my friend's 10 year old also now refers to napping as 'having an Andy'.)


Another sparkly friend sent me this pic, as it reminded her of me. It is one of my faves.

Nothing else wraps the crazy cyclone day without a DIY haircut. Luckily I am much better at cutting people hair than dog hair. I'll show you a comparison and you can decide for yourselves. Poor, poor Mikey.......

Geez I babble on. This was going to be a quick 2 liner saying that I wish I was as funny and witty as Shaun Micalleff. Which is true. His show - Mad as Hell is hilarious. 
Worm tried to sleepwalk to the lounge room about 11but couldn't get the door open so just went back to sleep on the floor (spaz) so when we checked on her she was all for mummy snuggles on the couch. How lucky am I? Really, in spite of everything, I am freaking lucky and blessed. Then foxtel (moody bitch) dropped out so there went my re-run of 'keeping up appearances' but it was all for a reason, so i'd flick to free to air and watch Shaun M.

Anyway, back to sleep now that I've had my 'Andy' before bed. Love & happiness to all of you. And if you need any tips on how to turn yourself into a tropical cyclone, call me on 1800 BAD ASS :P

Thursday - Take 2

So, hubby could have come with us today, as he wasn't working, but he didn't. POO bum wee fart!

We had a great day, worm & I. And on our way out of the gardens, getting lost, we saw an Echidna crossing the road. So I decided to be impulsive. I stopped the car in the middle of the road. (Not a busy road, just a long entrance driveway) And then I got out of the car, got the worm out of the car and we went and had a look at the cutest echidna. I have photos. I will get them posted up soon. It was a great moment to have with the worm. Just another mummy & worm family moment. 

Any who, I am watching Grimm (how I LOVE this show) and eating my awesome muffins that I made with the worm, and I've just had a chill pill so the night shouldn't get any worse, until my husband comes home bahahahaha!

What a busy Thursday

I went to the cranbourne botanical gardens today with my mum and grandparents and my grandmas brothers, and the worm. It was pretty important to go as my Grandma was really sick at the end of last year. 4 generations cruising around on the tour bus. Pretty good day, but the drive there and back and the energy it takes to be out in public is a killer. You'll all be relieved to know that my wit and dry sarcasm have not faded due to misuse ;) And I can still get many laughs from the relo's.

The drive on the way down was easy - apart from road works but you get that. The car also managed not to stall out whilst I was driving - which it's been doing a lot of lately. However, or should that be 'but'. There's always a 'but' somewhere isn't there? I exited a different way to the way I entered. Since my driving relies on visual memory (most things i do rely on visual memory, so if I didn't move it (and see myself moving it) I can't remember it) I had NO IDEA where I was. I took a wrong turn. Then I felt like I had taken a wrong turn so I turned on the navigation on the phone, which proved that my hunch about taking a wrong turn was correct. Except then it directed my home not the way i went there. Luckily I have driven down that way before. As my panic began to rise trying to get back to my beloved Eastlink (or even the M1 at that point) my phone dies. And I don't have a melways in the car. You cannot imagine my relief upon finding Eastlink. I was nearly a zombie by the time I got home. 

Worm has this persistent cough and as Rick wasn't working today (oh goody, because I love being poor) I'd booked her into the doctors and told him it was his turn to take her to an appointment. He's never had to take her. So he was nice and grumpy (probably because he got woken up from a nap lol) and was all like - she doesn't need to go to the doctors.  Grrrrrr.
Anyway I was asleep when they got home and I got the usual - 'Get up, I have to go to cricket training!'. Not - are you ok, will you be alright. I am so over it. 
And when I'm tired I have NO patience.

Still, I managed to feed her and we made muffins together so I must have done something right.
 
Guess who's been out of bed already 3 times tonight (not Rick). Because her dad isn't home to say goodnight. I am that close to losing it, and I never lose it with her. So now I have mummy guilt, I'm exhausted, I'm in pain and I'm cranky. So I said she had to stay in bed otherwise there was no Kinder tomorrow. Seems to have worked. She is tired and needs to be in bed.

I'm over it. I hurt. I'm tired and I'm alone. I'm going to go and have my cocktail of drugs and see if that doesn't help some.

Well I was going to write something all happy and sarcastic and witty but guess I just turned into a whiny housewife. Ooops.