ETSY - it's time to get this stuff happening

OK. Anyone an expert on ETSY shop set up etc? 
All input would be welcome.
I shall start trawling through their how to's and help as of tomorrow. 
But seriously, I'm going to bed now!

Sunday. Good old reliable Sunday.

Yep. Once a week, every week, Sunday comes around, and all too quickly it goes again.
Kind of like a sale at your favourite store - you hang out till pay day but by then, all the good stuff is gone. Ever time. Without fail.
Sundays in our house are pretty average to be honest. I want Sunday to be family fun day, or family day, or just fun day. Seems that by Sunday we are exhausted, except for the 3 year old energizer bunny that doesn't know Sunday is for chillaxing!

After kid wrangling for 6 days in a row, I am exhausted by Sunday, and I want to spend at least a week in bed. Not likely as there is SO much to do! And our house is one of those good old fixer upperers that leave you feeling overwhelmed before you've even begun. Hence why very little has been done in the 9 years we've lived here. Hence why I think I'm on the verge of a break down.
I have several 'diabilities' (although i don't like to think of them as that) that physically restrict what I can and can't do. It is beyond frustrating wanting to get things done and your body saying ' bahahahahahahahahahahaha in your dreams! Back to bed you go!'. And then to wake up and find that instead of the cleaning fairies paying you a visit, the garbage goblins have trashed your house. So all hope of actually getting anything done is out the window, because you first need to clean the goblin mess.

Is it any wonder then that I am worn out, run down and running on less than fumes? I'm a wreck.
Regardless of this fact, I have decided that I must persevere. I must set a good example, and I must set that by leading by example. I am sick of trying to motivate others. I am over waiting for certain people to help me out. If it must be done, it must be done by me. I guess that also pacifies my control freak nature too!

I have a kitchen that I really really really don't like. My other half liked it, wanted it, and somehow he and his mum came home with it and then he and his brother in law installed it. Now, I'm a shorty. I hit 5ft tall. I wear heels alot. I can't reach half the damned cupboards! And the colour is so dark and oppressive and there are doors that don't shut and drawers that don't shut and I can't see the back of ANY of the cupboards. Oh, I just had an idea - those touch/sensor led lights, I am so going to get a heap of them, and whilst I'm at it, I'm gonna get some for my wardrobe too, can't see a damned thing in there either (or reach the top shelf!).

So, I've started the prep coat on the cupboards (no sanding required!) I've probably talked about this before. I am ultra excited to be finally doing something I've wanted done. It sucks that I have to do it but I'm going to be really proud of myself when it's done. And I can say - just because I have 'disabilities' does not mean I do not have worth as a human being or as a member of society.

That's the problem with labels, they aren't always helpful. If I act 'happy & health' (the chronically ill know that being 'well' is a mental battle that never ends) then people assume I'm fine or worse, that I'm a lazy, attention seeking whinger. But if I act how I truly feel (you don't want me to go there, trust me) then people tell me a) how ill I look and I should be resting (cue pity etc), b) people tell you to 'just snap out of it', 'just smile and things will be ok' or c) the head game starts to get the one up on you and you can't cope. It's a bitch of a 'catch 22'. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
And heaven forbid if you get genuinely ill with the flu or bronchitis or something. Your body doesn't want to know about it, that's for sure. And it's hard to get anyone to take you seriously because of all of the above.

So, even though I'm 'normal' sick I must soldier on. Those cupboards aren't going to paint themselves and let's face it, I'm not going to get a rest until I end up in hospital so I might as well go hard until then! (I've got that self deprecating, sarcastic look on my face).

Now, time for some prose....

A flip of the coin
Your life changes around
Tossed into the sky again
Time twists, warps, bends
Slowly readjusting
The locations are all new
Have you found your footing yet
Time to toss the coin again

I got more but the need for sleep is winning.
Have a great week all xoxxo

Absence does make the heart grow fonder

Who would of thought that the old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' actually has some truth to it? Unbelievable right? But still, very very true.

I mean, at the end of the day, when you tuck your small children into bed (3 year olds are channeling the devil) you know that you won't see them for a few hours at least (well, you pray that you won't see them for at least a few hours) and that makes you forget all the things they did during the day - like wanting to know WHY, and 'where is that persons mummy' 'is that car racing us' 'drive faster' 'where are they going, who do they live with, what's their name, i want to see my best friend, why can't I eat chocolate until i burst etc etc etc and fifty bazillion other annoying things (apparently bajillion isn't a number but a bazillion is... huh) and you're all like ' aw, i can't wait to give them a cuddle when they wake up (in 12 hours time other wise mummy is going to need a padded cell or a bottle of wine).

Yet often, the reverse is true of our partners. THEY get to go to work 5 days a week. I'm a stay at home mum, so I don't get to go have adult conversation. I'm living, breathing and thinking for and like a 3 year old. So when I then bombard my partner with 50 million questions about the outside world, because Jimmy Giggle and Dirt Girl really don't know that much about current affairs and the answer I get is 'I dunno. Ok I guess. It was alright. Not much' followed by 'what's for dinner' I start to wish that the person who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with would just go the hell away!
But wait, there is a catch. They can only go away if and when it suits ME.*thump* Sorry, I just fell to the floor as I was laughing so hard! AS IF!

ME has been forgotten, pushed aside and shoved in a dark corner in the furthest recesses of the universe. I can't even go to get milk and bread without a struggle. My 3 year old is like a clip on koala - her legs work just fine but I always get 'pick, pick, pick me up mummy' or even worse 'race me mummy' but don't even think about getting close to her because if she doesn't win, the world has ended. You know how I know that the world has ended? The antichrist has returned and is acting through my child, in the carpark!
So if I don't get adult conversation from the other adult I live with and instead I get more 3 year old type questions and then they think that they are going to go and have a life - um, NO FREAKIN' WAY! Apparently then I am being unreasonable. This coming from the man child having a very 3 year old tantrum. Righto.

So slowly you get sick of the thought of them coming home blissfully ignorant to my plight of 3 year old hell. You know that instead of getting a team mate, so you can tag out for a bit, you're gaining another child. Except this one can't be sent to time out. This one cannot be bought off with a toy or chocolate. This one has money and a car and an attitude too (although the attitude pales in comparison to the 3 year old!). It is beyond infuriating. And then they have the audacity to go and have additional adult interactions! The nerve!

Anyway, I think I digressed somewhere near the start of this story. So, having some time apart from your partner really is like a holiday. You know everything has been done, once the 'devil' is in bed you don't have to get up and find anything for anyone, or do anything for anyone. You don't have to ask 20 times if the dogs have been fed or the bins have been taken out, because you just did it to start with so you know it's been done, and done right.
Now you actually get to experience something similar to 'relaxation'. It's great. I don't know what the real thing is but this shadow of it is just the bees knees! So the absence of my man child for a few nights makes me want to speak to him, because when we talk, it's about adult stuff. And i don't have 20 million stupid things that I have to do like get up and help find the milk or something stupid like that! (Even the 3 year old can find the milk!!!).

So, I think every stay at home parent, or the main parent in a family with children should have a night off. Every single week. And ME should never be too far away. And if your partner gets to be with his ME all the time and you have forgotten what your ME looks like, take the time to find it. It is good for both of you, and as the old saying goes 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and I no longer want to rip his face off at the mention of cricket or some other sport or 'grown up thing' that he might be enjoying whilst I am stuck watching telly tubbies or in the night garden and explaining why lala doesn't have a mummy or daddy at home.

Put your feet up, have a drink and drift off to wonderland (don't get confused and go to neverland, it's populated by boys who don't want to grow up and that's what you're trying to escape from at home!).

And that wraps another eventful weekend folks.

So much can happen in such a short time.
So many feelings and emotions can be experienced in what seems to be the single beat of a heart.
Yes, I have been reading young adult fantasy books. 
I'm reading the Fallen series by Lauren Kate. I really really like them.

I had a body shut down today, which was poo but not unexpected given that I've been pushing pretty hard without a break, and minimal support. Certainly not additional support from those who should be feeling obligated but let's not even go there!

My father in law is doing well. A pacemaker is only 1 night in hospital these days. Wow.

I'm so annoyed with myself and my silly willful mind of it's own body. I'm in two really big showcases in the next week or so, but do I have any items ready? Um, that would be a big fat NO! And the ones I did have, just aren't doing it for me so I don't want to submit them. So tomorrow, somehow, I have to miraculously make it happen.... yeah, right. 

My epic fail. The theme is RAINBOW. This is not rainbow.
 

The fabric I used looks like this, but it seems that I picked the dark bits. Don't get me wrong, the fabric is gorgeous. See the darker bits, that's what I got, even though I'm sure I picked more rainbow bits! I guess they're covered under the stupid yellow I added :(

Did you know that the phrase yeah, right is the only phrase in the English language where 2 positives creative a negative? Love it.

I really need my items to be A+++ in these showcases so that I can keep coming back. I need to start using my fabric and bringing in some cash. If you have spare spoons (i'm a spoonie) and extra sewjo, just, you know, telepathically download it into my brain anytime now!

Since I spent most of today in bed, after I did the washing, hung some cabinet doors, cleaned and cooked I really have nothing else to show except my epic fail owl bunny. Meh, that's life. I'm actually going to put that on a t-shirt when I get around to it.

Good news, well sort of good news, I haven't gained any weight (despite doing very little this week) but I didn't lose any weight (I don't understand why not, I only drank about 2 litres of cokes and ate half a tub of butter and 2/3 block of chocolate!). Just so unfair! It's not like I can go for a run, I'd end up in bed for a week! Kinda doesn't work when you have the cutest 3 year old in town who hates to sleep and sucks the life force from me! Good thing she's cute!

I think I'm just going to call it a night, settle in with my book and hope that I wake up tomorrow to find that today was just a dream and I have all the time in the world to get things done! (insert maniacal laugh!)

xox luv y'all and i'm hugging you from here!

Friday Night Again.

Just more of the same.
Another week of nothing different. Or rather, another week of nothing. 
Although I think I've probably achieved a few things I feel rather like I've gone backwards.
I even started writing again today. 
I'm hesitant to put it on here. That's how awful I think it is and just how low my self esteem must be.

How did I get to this place? I bend over backwards to help anyone and everyone, but yet I can't help myself. I don't do it for praise, reward or recognition, I do it because it's what should be done. No one should be alone. Or feel helpless or desperate or trapped or like they can't call on someone, even if it's just to bring them milk when their kids are sick or loop them in on a group message that they missed part of. 
People I haven't even met in real life, I offer support and love when I can. I like to smile to randoms on the street and chat with the seniors in the coffee shop, because they feel better too. I give hugs to randoms and people i've only just met, because people might be good at looking happy but inside they're crying out for a little bit of 'I just need to feel a bit special, i'm stuck in a rut'. I hugged a lady the other night (who I'd only met once before) and she nearly cried because she couldn't remember the last time some one had just given her a heartfelt hug. I'm sorry but it was that long ago that she was really hugged that she couldn't remember it?!? 

My little internal radar does tend to be amped up a bit, and I can spot a mask on most people from a long way away. But when did people become so good at being lonely, and accepting of it? Why did society let this happen? When did WE let this happen?

So next time if you think someone is a little off, ask them if you can give them a hug. The worst they can do is say no. And the best they can do is say YES! And even though it is better to give than to receive, it takes 2 to hug so you get the best of both worlds. Start small. Watch the ripples. Live in peace and love freely. xoxo and you never know, it might be me that you save with that random smile or hug :)

I wish I didn't feel this way
I mean I just don't understand
I tried to do all the right things, didn't I
Yet somehow it all got out of hand
I thought I had it all figured out
I thought that you could see
That I gave you every little bit
That made up all of me
Now I'm not so sure anymore
I guess that's plain to see
I'm torn in two directions
Each way is not an exit, just a different kind of cage
I guess I should feel lucky
I should let go of all that rage
But everything I worked towards
Seems to have brought me nothing but self hate and pain
I can no longer tell you
And you can no longer hear
So many fragments of myself
Not a single piece is clear
Shattered and worn down and out
The tank is running low
I cannot see a way out anymore
I guess I have to let you go


And this embarrassing composition is why I tend not to write these days :P

Is it as simple as a new coat of paint???

To make my kitchen look nice - quite probably
To make me feel better when my house looks finished - more than likely
To fix my relationship with my man child cricket obsessed husband - i don't know. I guess I could try gassing him with the paint fumes?

What I don't understand is, he is nearing 40, works for himself (the sole 'bread winner' as it were) yet he takes the day off work because his team won their grand final and they had to keep on celebrating. Um, it's not like you just won the ashes hun, and I'm pretty sure that the aussie cricket team isn't allowed to celebrate, and if they do, they at least are getting paid for it.

I must come across as a money hungry bitch, and I say this to my friends. The flip side is I would also give away my last 5 bucks without a second thought. I just want to be able to pay my bills and but all the fabric I need. Did you notice how I said NEED, not WANT? I NEED it. It makes me happy. And one day, when I'm not quite so stressed and unwell I will actually get to create amazing things with my fabric. It is my promise to myself that I will eventually win.

I am also furiously frustrated that I can't work. Hell, some days I can barely remember how to breathe (and that's meant to be one of those autonomic functions - guess when your autonomic system tanks on you those essentials to life occasionally falter) let alone crunch number & manage accounts. Yet that is exactly what I do for my husband, regardless of the personal cost to myself, and then he still gets to go and play stupid cricket (not for Australia).

And could someone please explain to me how if the grand final has been played, cricket season is still not over? What the? That's like having a pack of never ending tim tams, and we all know that ain't the case!

So a coat of paint - I started painting the kitchen today. I packed up more minky and added to the great tub wall of fabric in my craft room. I think I need to put up a hazard sign - beware of falling felt or something like that. And whilst cricket season is over, but it's not over, may offer a reprieve from his love affair with his club I can't help but wonder what will happen in 6 months time when the painting still isn't finished and he starts putting on those whites again. Do I keep painting, or deprive bunnings of my sparse financial contribution and realise that you whilst you can't polish a turd, you can roll it in glitter, which eventually fades and falls off?

If this stuff didn't cost a fortune you can bet my house would be COVERED inside and out, but I'm going for a more grown up shabby chic with a slight touch of french provincial thrown in for fun.

And to keep me motivated, here's one of my favourite songs.....Yes we can!

The wee hours of Monday morning.

I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am that my husband won his cricket grand final today.
I also cannot contain my joy knowing that once again he isn't working tomorrow. It's worked out so well, now he can stay out getting trashed until sometime much later today and upon his return home he can work on his couch slug impersonation. 

Don't you just love it when it all comes together so nicely? I know I sure do.
Any who, I'm going to be woken up in 6 hours time (if I'm lucky) so best rest whilst I can. 

It's not like single parenting is totally new to me but doing so whilst being horribly ill has been such a fun and unpredictable time of excitement I just don't know if I can wait until next cricket season. (Drowning in a pool of my own sarcasm). Maybe I should encourage hubby to play footy again.
Peace out bitches xox