Another week of nothing different. Or rather, another week of nothing.
Although I think I've probably achieved a few things I feel rather like I've gone backwards.
I even started writing again today.
I'm hesitant to put it on here. That's how awful I think it is and just how low my self esteem must be.
How did I get to this place? I bend over backwards to help anyone and everyone, but yet I can't help myself. I don't do it for praise, reward or recognition, I do it because it's what should be done. No one should be alone. Or feel helpless or desperate or trapped or like they can't call on someone, even if it's just to bring them milk when their kids are sick or loop them in on a group message that they missed part of.
People I haven't even met in real life, I offer support and love when I can. I like to smile to randoms on the street and chat with the seniors in the coffee shop, because they feel better too. I give hugs to randoms and people i've only just met, because people might be good at looking happy but inside they're crying out for a little bit of 'I just need to feel a bit special, i'm stuck in a rut'. I hugged a lady the other night (who I'd only met once before) and she nearly cried because she couldn't remember the last time some one had just given her a heartfelt hug. I'm sorry but it was that long ago that she was really hugged that she couldn't remember it?!?
My little internal radar does tend to be amped up a bit, and I can spot a mask on most people from a long way away. But when did people become so good at being lonely, and accepting of it? Why did society let this happen? When did WE let this happen?
So next time if you think someone is a little off, ask them if you can give them a hug. The worst they can do is say no. And the best they can do is say YES! And even though it is better to give than to receive, it takes 2 to hug so you get the best of both worlds. Start small. Watch the ripples. Live in peace and love freely. xoxo and you never know, it might be me that you save with that random smile or hug :)
I wish I didn't feel this way
I mean I just don't understand
I tried to do all the right things, didn't I
Yet somehow it all got out of hand
I thought I had it all figured out
I thought that you could see
That I gave you every little bit
That made up all of me
Now I'm not so sure anymore
I guess that's plain to see
I'm torn in two directions
Each way is not an exit, just a different kind of cage
I guess I should feel lucky
I should let go of all that rage
But everything I worked towards
Seems to have brought me nothing but self hate and pain
I can no longer tell you
And you can no longer hear
So many fragments of myself
Not a single piece is clear
Shattered and worn down and out
The tank is running low
I cannot see a way out anymore
I guess I have to let you go
And this embarrassing composition is why I tend not to write these days :P
