Kind of like a sale at your favourite store - you hang out till pay day but by then, all the good stuff is gone. Ever time. Without fail.
Sundays in our house are pretty average to be honest. I want Sunday to be family fun day, or family day, or just fun day. Seems that by Sunday we are exhausted, except for the 3 year old energizer bunny that doesn't know Sunday is for chillaxing!
After kid wrangling for 6 days in a row, I am exhausted by Sunday, and I want to spend at least a week in bed. Not likely as there is SO much to do! And our house is one of those good old fixer upperers that leave you feeling overwhelmed before you've even begun. Hence why very little has been done in the 9 years we've lived here. Hence why I think I'm on the verge of a break down.
I have several 'diabilities' (although i don't like to think of them as that) that physically restrict what I can and can't do. It is beyond frustrating wanting to get things done and your body saying ' bahahahahahahahahahahaha in your dreams! Back to bed you go!'. And then to wake up and find that instead of the cleaning fairies paying you a visit, the garbage goblins have trashed your house. So all hope of actually getting anything done is out the window, because you first need to clean the goblin mess.
Is it any wonder then that I am worn out, run down and running on less than fumes? I'm a wreck.
Regardless of this fact, I have decided that I must persevere. I must set a good example, and I must set that by leading by example. I am sick of trying to motivate others. I am over waiting for certain people to help me out. If it must be done, it must be done by me. I guess that also pacifies my control freak nature too!
I have a kitchen that I really really really don't like. My other half liked it, wanted it, and somehow he and his mum came home with it and then he and his brother in law installed it. Now, I'm a shorty. I hit 5ft tall. I wear heels alot. I can't reach half the damned cupboards! And the colour is so dark and oppressive and there are doors that don't shut and drawers that don't shut and I can't see the back of ANY of the cupboards. Oh, I just had an idea - those touch/sensor led lights, I am so going to get a heap of them, and whilst I'm at it, I'm gonna get some for my wardrobe too, can't see a damned thing in there either (or reach the top shelf!).
So, I've started the prep coat on the cupboards (no sanding required!) I've probably talked about this before. I am ultra excited to be finally doing something I've wanted done. It sucks that I have to do it but I'm going to be really proud of myself when it's done. And I can say - just because I have 'disabilities' does not mean I do not have worth as a human being or as a member of society.
That's the problem with labels, they aren't always helpful. If I act 'happy & health' (the chronically ill know that being 'well' is a mental battle that never ends) then people assume I'm fine or worse, that I'm a lazy, attention seeking whinger. But if I act how I truly feel (you don't want me to go there, trust me) then people tell me a) how ill I look and I should be resting (cue pity etc), b) people tell you to 'just snap out of it', 'just smile and things will be ok' or c) the head game starts to get the one up on you and you can't cope. It's a bitch of a 'catch 22'. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
And heaven forbid if you get genuinely ill with the flu or bronchitis or something. Your body doesn't want to know about it, that's for sure. And it's hard to get anyone to take you seriously because of all of the above.
So, even though I'm 'normal' sick I must soldier on. Those cupboards aren't going to paint themselves and let's face it, I'm not going to get a rest until I end up in hospital so I might as well go hard until then! (I've got that self deprecating, sarcastic look on my face).
Now, time for some prose....
A flip of the coin
Your life changes around
Tossed into the sky again
Time twists, warps, bends
Slowly readjusting
The locations are all new
Have you found your footing yet
Time to toss the coin again
I got more but the need for sleep is winning.
Have a great week all xoxxo
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